Gaara The Human Eating Panda
by PiratexNinja
Summary: My first Naruto fic. I warn you now, very random! Lets just say, Gaara looks like a panda, and Naruto thinks he is Batman! SakuraGaara. xD Chapters edited!
1. When Bulls Attack

**Gaara The Human Eating Panda**

**By:** Kayla

**Chapter 1:** When Bulls Attack

**Disclaimer**: Sadly, I do not own Naruto. If I did, I would keep Gaara locked in my closet. xD

**A/N:** This is my first Naruto fic. So, please be nice and review. Characters afe very OOC, so be warned.

* * *

Team 7 (minus Kakashi) sat at the famous ramen shop, known all around Konoha. This was Naruto's favorite place, for he was obsessed with ramen. Sasuke and Sakura watched with amazement as Naruto ate his fifth bowl of said obsession. 

"Are you done yet?" Sakura complained for what seemed to be the 100th time that day.

Silence. Of cores Sasuke wouldn't answer. But it was just shocking that Naruto didn't. She would have at least expected a nice little 'Shut Up', but her complaints fell to deft ears. Instead her companions where staring out into the street. Sakura followed their eyes. And looked at what they had been staring so intently at. There stood the sand siblings, Gaara, Temari, and Kankuro.

Sakura watched as they walked down the street. She didn't really know why she kept staring at them until it hit her, hard! At that moment her inner-self kicked in, _'He kind of looks like a..'_. "Panda!"

"What was that Sakura-chan?" Naruto said before stuffing his face once more.

She looked over at Sasuke then at Naruto. And immediately started laughing. They both looked at her, confusion written all over there faces.

"Your so annoying." Sasuke said comely. Trying to figure out why his team mate had a random outburst like that.

"Did you guys ever notice Gaara kind of looks like a panda?" Sakura whispered, knowing the sand siblings were now walking past them.

Naruto froze. The word 'Panda' ringing in his loudly in his ears. 'Panda, Panda, Panda, Panda, Panda'. In an instant, Naruto stood, trying his best not to laugh. But failing miserably. He started choking on his ramen. He coughed, while Sakura patted his back harshly. Finally he stopped. With a gleeful smile that would have put Gai to shame, he said, "I wonder if Gaara ever gets sand in his pants!"

"Idiot, why don't you ask him!" Sasuke said. Truth be told, he was wondering the exact same thing...

"I will!" Naruto almost shouted, which was very common for him.

"Oh, he's going to eat you!" Sakura playfully warned.

"No, he wont! Cause' you know what? IM BATMAN!" Naruto ran out of the ramen shop, not even bothering to pay for his food. Both Sakura and Sakuke sweat dropped, as the batman theme song started playing in the background.

"I think he is high on something!" Sakura announced after many moments of silence.

"To much ramen!"

"We have to fallow him, who knows what he will get into!" Sakura said, getting up from her seat next to Sasuke.

* * *

Mean While 

Naruto was searching for any sine of a black-clad red-headed, sand nin. Which was no where to be found. "How can he just disappear like that! Oh well, TO THE BATMOBILE!" Naruto cried, spotting a couple of mean looking Bulls in a near by stable. But for some odd reason unknown to anyone, they didn't look like man eating bulls to him, for he was planing to drive the batmobile!

He looked at the lock with confusion, the same lock that was keeping these bulls at bay. He attempted to unlock it. Getting fed up, he broke the lock. Listening as the broken pieces tumbled to the ground. He opened the small wooden door, and grabbed the ropes that had them tied to the wall. As he untied them, the bulls fixed him with a red-eyed glare, transfixed with the big red dot on his back. He attempted to get on the nearest bull, but was stopped by something dragging him down.

"Like Sasuke said, you're an idiot!" Sakura yelled as she grabbed him by the collar. She tried to drag him out of the stable, unknown to both, the bulls where now preparing to charge at them. "But, but...my batmobile!" Naruto whinnied, looking behind him.

"Oh, yay! The batmobile is fallowing us!" Naruto said with glee.

"What are you talking..." Sakura stopped. Frozen in place. She turns around slowly. And as she did so, she came face to face with a very nasty looking bull.

"Oh, SHIT!"

Sasuke heard a blood curtailing scream from his perch on a tree branch. It had to be Sakura, It always was. So troublesome. He rushed through the trees, letting his feet guide him. Finally, he came to a hault. There on the street was Sakura and Naruto, running for there lives. Well, not Naruto, he was in fact being dragged by a very pissed off looking Sakura. They were running from three evil bulls. Sasuke jumped down from the tree, landing gracefully to his feet. He grabbed Sakura in an attempt to save her, but was stopped by a bull charging at him. Now, sadly, he was on the run too.

"Man, now one of the bulls are after Sasuke!" Sakura said looking behind her. She watched Sasuke run until he was finally out of sight. Still running for her and Naruto's lives, not paying any attention to where she was going, Sakura ran into an ally. Now they were surrounded by two bulls. _'What do you plan to do this time Sakura?'_ Her inner self asked. She had planned on just leaving Naruto there, but it was all her fault he was acting this way...

* * *

Flash Back 

_Sakura walked down the street, minding her own business. This was her day off. A day of no training, and the best thing of all, no Naruto! God, that boy could get on her nerves. She started thinking of all the annoying and embarrassing things he had ever done to her. 'Like that one time...'. She was stopped right when she thought she was getting started, by a very familiar voice._

_"Sakura-Chan!" She knew that voice. Oh great, just when she thought it was going to be a good day._

_And there came Naruto running up the street to meet her. As he got closer, he suddenly trips on a rock, and landed head first right into Sakura's chest._

_"You PERVERT!" Sakura screamed, as she started beating his head in with her fists. She had hit him so hard, that he had tumbled backwards, falling on his back with a thud. He had x's around his eyes, and you could see ducks flying around his head. "Opps. Wait, why opps? You deserved it!" She growled walking up to him. She stood over him, waiting patiently for him to get up. Finally his eyes opened, and he jumped up. And he said the two words that she was now leaning to hate. "IM BATMAN!"_

End Flash Back

* * *

"You really did deserve it though!" Sakura said glaring daggers at Naruto's back.

"Oh, shut up Batgirl!" Naruto said, backing up. He was trying to avoid Sakura's punches, plus the bulls that where now about to ram them in.

Sakura was just about to punch his lights out when she was stopped by a red-headed sand nin now standing in front of her. Sand appeared from his peanut shaped gourd, he was making a shield to block the bulls from charging.

"Panda-chan!" Sakura whispered. Immediately after she said this, she clamped her hand over her mouth, praying to God that he didn't hear her.

Sakura's inner-self was singing, _'P-A-N-D-A, P-A-N-D-A, P-A-N-D-A, and Gaara was his name-oo!'_

Right now she was just wishing the ground would shallow her whole, so she didn't have to look at the person that was causing her so much amusement. If he could read her thoughts, he would surly kill her.


	2. This Just Isn't My Day!

**Gaara The Human Eating Panda**

**Chapter 2**:This Just Isn't My Day!

**By:** Kayla

**Disclaimer:** Like I said, I do not own Naruto. If I did, we would be seeing more of the wonderful Sand Siblings!

**A/N**: Love the reviews, they keep me sane! Ok, maybe not so sane, but anyway, you get the point!

Sasuke jumped on some random persons roof, just inches from being impaled by the sharp horns of the bull that had been chasing him. 'That was close, Man those things are fast!' he thought as he went in search for his missing team mates. Where could they be now? Was Sakura ok? Was she hurt? And yeah, why did he care? He still had to find her, just to make sure.

He had looked everywhere, he even looked under a rock, just to make sure. So he decided to re-trace his steps. Slowing down from his fast pace, he spotted a flash of pink hair. Yup, Sakura, who else in this village had pink hair? Noticing she wasn't alone, Sasuke stayed in place, trying his hardest to hear what they were saying, which wasn't much.

If Gaara had heard her, he didn't say anything.

Gaara watched the pink haired kunoichi with little amusement. It seemed as though she was trying to get her thoughts in line. She was looking down with a mild blush on her cheeks. Finally she looked up and said, "Thank you Gaara-san." She was trying her hardest not to look into his beautiful deep sea green eyes, because if she did, she would start singing her lovable panda song.

He was just watching her. Staring her down. It was like they were having a staring contest, and she was in fact losing. But, she was determined not to lose to this hot guy. Hot guy? Did she just call Gaara hot? He was a psycho killer! _'Come on, you know you like him!'_ Her inner-self said. She couldn't take it anymore, so she started humming her panda song. Finally he blinked, mostly out of pure shock. He was expecting her to run away in fear of him, but she stood her ground. He liked that in a person.

Totally forgetting about Naruto, who in fact was now dancing to nothing in particular. She hugged Gaara, tightly. Then, she preceded to put a hat over his messy red head. The hat read, 'IM A PANDA HEAR ME ROAR!'.

"BYE!" Hurriedly, she grabbed Naruto and ran for it. _'You're a dead man, er I mean woman!' _Her inner-self screamed. She dashed out of the ally with Naruto running behind her. _'Run, run, run, run!'_

Gaara grabbed the hat that had just been placed roughly on his head. Oh she was going to get it. She was messing with the wrong person. "I'm going to kill you!" He yelled at her retreating back. Throwing the hat over his right shoulder, Gaara walked calmly out of the dark ally that was now bull free, thanks to him. He needed to plan his next little get together with his little kunoichi. His? When did he start thinking of her like that. Oh well, it didn't matter, he was ready for some pay back. Revenge is sweet.

Sasuke watched with a growing jealousy as Sakura engulfed Gaara into a hug. But it was soon replaced with amusement when she placed that goofy hat on his head. He would have laughed if it wasn't for the sake of his reputation. He could see the shock written all over Gaara's face. It was only there for a moment though. Soon changing to an evil glee, as he yelled at Sakura's retreating form.

Sasuka fallowed Sakura. Intent on finding out where she was going now, and where she got that funky hat. It just appeared out of no where! He watched as she turned the corner.

"Wow, that was close!" Sakura said pulling Naruto behind her.

"You know, I beat you into this, I can beat you out of it!" She screamed as Naruto poked her repeatedly in the ribs.

Sasuke appeared behind them, unknown to both Sakura and Naruto. Sakura went to hit Naruto with the back of her fist, but instead hit Sasuke. He went flying backwards, falling into some boxes.

"I guess I don't know my own strength!" She said, looking at her fist. Sakura looked behind herself, ready to pat herself on the back for a job well done. But what she saw almost made her faint.

"Ha ha, Sasuke got beat up by Sakura-chan!" Naruto said pointing in the direction of the fallen heart throb.

"OH MY GOD, I KILLED SASUKE!" Sakura shrieked in horror. She looked over at Naruto, with the intent to kill written all over her face. Pointing all the blame at him she yelled, "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Wha'? I wasn't the one who hit him!" Naruto whined.

"Oh, my god, what am I going to do? I'm dead, when he wakes up im a dead girl. This is all your fault!" She said again. "If I die, im taking you with me!"

Sakura glanced at the sprawled out form laying under boxes._ 'Yup, your dead.'_ Her inner-self said. Sasuke regained consciousness, getting up from the rubble slowly.

"Ah, hi Sasuke!" Sakura sweat-dropped, as he started walking closer to her.

He had the evil, 'I'm going to kill you' glare. _'It looks like Gaara's glare!'_ Sakura's inner-self said again. Her thoughts where heading in the wrong direction. _'This isn't the time to be thinking about Gaara!'_ She thought. _'Yeah, but think about his cute little panda glare, and you will be fine.'_

Sakura started to giggle. Sasuke was now right in front of her. Glaring madly. "Do you think this is funny?"

"Yes!" She smiled, giving him the thumbs up.

Sakura grabbed Naruto again, whispering in his ear, "He's giving us the evil-Panda-Gaara-Glare!"

Naruto giggled like a mad man. And then someone else said, "What are we whispering about?"

"Gaara looking like a panda, duh!" She said looking behind her. And there he was, Gaara of the desert, standing right behind her.

"Ah, hi?" She smiled innocently. "Naruto, why the hell don't you tell me Panda-chan was behind us!" She whispered grabbing his collar.

"Well, I didn't know!" Naruto yelled, putting his hands behind his head.

Sakura backed up, bumping into Sasuke. She looked between the two guys. "Dang it all, today is not my day!"

**A/N:** Hey, I hoped you liked this chapter. Sorry for its shortness! It will get better soon, trust me. In the mean time, grab a cookie and some milk, and sit back. Oh, and please review!


	3. The Evil Spork Of Doom

**Gaara The Human Eating Panda**

**Chapter 3:**The Evil Spork Of Doom!

**By:** Kayla

**Disclaimer:** For the flippin' last time! I Don't own Naruto. -glares evilly-

**Sakura: **Don't mind her, she is bi-polar.

**Me:** Flippin' A-Hole!

**Sakura:** Your scaring them away...

**Me:** Oh...opps -smiles sweetly- Please review!

**Sasuke:** Get on with the story...

**Me:** Oh, stuff it!

**The Evil Spork Of Doom!**

Sakura was squeezing the breath out of Naruto. He was trying his hardest to suck in a breath. "Can't...Breathe..."

Sakura looked down at him with a frown on her face. "Opps..."

Sakura let go of him, making him fall to his knees. Hyperventilating, he rose to his feet.

Sakura was digging through her pockets for something to get her out of this situation. Going through her pouch, she found a spork. 'Spork? What the hell are we going to do with a spork?' Her inner-self shrieked. 'Ah, work with me.'

Thrusting the spork up into the air, she declared, "I have a very sharp...SPORK! If you value your life, you will leave now!" She glared at all three guys in front of her. A look that would have made the devil trimble at her feet...But instead the guys laughed at her, except for Gaara, he doesn't laugh, he is to cool to laugh.

She was about to stab Naruto with her evil-spork-of-doom when a small pig ran past her feet. "Did anyone else see that?" She asked looking around. They all nodded. Again she tried to stab Naruto. But this time was stopped by a loud mouth Ino, "Get back here you stupid pig!"

Ino ran past the group, chasing after the pig.

"Your one to talk Ino-PIG! Relative of yours?" Sakura asked giggling like a little school girl.

Ino glared at her, "Shut up forehead!"

"You need a better come back!"

The two girls where getting into a big cat fight, with the three teenage buys watching with interest. Sakura grabbed Ino's hair, attempting to stab her in the face with her spork, but was stopped AGAIN! "What is it this time?" Sakura said growling.

"Your getting off topic! Ino go chase your pig!" Sasuke said grabbing Sakura.

"Hes got a point." Gaara said bluntly.

Looking over at Gaara, Sakura squealed, "Oh my god! He spoke without saying 'I'm going to kill you!'" She walked over to him, patting him on the head like a dog she said, "Good Gaara, here's a cookie!" She stuffed it in his mouth before he could say his favorite catchphrase. Pissed, Gaara ate the cookie.

Doing a couple hand signs, he did his newest jutsu, "Hand-cuff no Jutsu!" With this, sand spread out along his hands, flying out toward Sakura. Catching her wrists with the sand, they created a hand cuff effect. Looking down, Sakura saw the sand holding her hands in place. Trying her hardest to wiggle loose, she bumped into Sasuke again, still trying to wiggle free.

"Oh, a little to the left!" He only said this to see what her reaction would be.

Blushing, Sakura froze. Slowly turning her head to the side, she saw a huge smirk on Sasuke's face. "You pervert!" She went to hit him, but remembered she was still handcuffed, so decided to just kick him instead. But he was to fast, he had dodged all her kicks. Remembering that she still had her evil-spork-of-doom, she lifted her arms and preceded to throw the spork at Gaara's head. Shocked, he lost his concentration, letting the sand handcuffs drop.

"Ah-ha! I win!" Sakura said running away again. 'Why are we always running away?' Her inner-self asked. "Wait, I forgot to do something!" Running back to the boys, Sakura kicked Sasuke in the shin, "And that's for being a perv!"

"Ha, Sasuke got hit by Sakura again!" Naruto said for the first time in awaile. He was to busy watching these three idiots mess with eachother that he didn't find the need to say anything, well until now...

"Shut up dobe!"

As the fight between Sasuke and Naruto was going on, Gaara ignored them. Walking off to find Sakura. She was an odd one. You just couldn't keep up with her. Where would she go anyway? He fallowed her chakra. Finally he saw her, she was still running. He almost laughed as she knocked over an ice cream stand in her hurry. Keyword, almost!

Kiba, Hinata, and Shino sat at the ice-cream stand, they had just got done with their daily training and were rewarding themselves with a nice treat.

"Mmm, this is really good!" Hinata smiled up at Kiba as she licked her mint flavored ice-cream.

"Glad you like.." Kiba was stopped by a pink haired girl bumping into him, making him bump into Shino. Kiba's ice cream fell out of his hand and went flying into shino's face, smearing vanilla favored ice cream all over his glasses.

"Great, do you remember what happened the last time I took off my glasses?"

"I'll make sure it wont happen again..." Kiba lied.

Shino took off his glasses, but as he did so, a big bug zapper appeared in front of his face. Don't ask us how it got there, it just was there...

"Shino, don't look into the light..." Kiba warned.

"Pretty pretty, shinny, shinny!" Shino said trying to touch the light.

As both Hinata and Kiba yelled 'NO!', Shino touched the-evil-bug-zappy-thing-of-doom!

After being fried by the bug zapper, Shino said, "So pretty, set so painful!" And then, fell to the ground with a thud.

Sweat dropping, Kiba said, "I told you so!"

The only thing that can really harm Shino: A Bug Zapper

**A/N:** I know, I know. Very short chapter. I had fun writing this one! But your going to love the next one! Sakura gets kid-napped. Ever wonder why Shino really wears those sun glasses? Maybe he has a sun problem...

**Sakura:** Your getting off topic again! Wait, what? I'm getting kid-napped! Kid-napped my ass!

**Sasuke:** Don't worry, be happy...

**Naruto: **I am smart! Watch the monkey!

**Sakura: **Please review!


	4. Cookie Obsession

**Gaara The Human Eating Panda**

**Chapter 4:**Cookie Obsession

**By:**Kayla

**Disclaimer:**Don't own Naruto.

**Sakura:**Thank the gods!

**Me:**What did you say?

**Sakura:**Oh nothing...

**A/N:**Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I love them all. To my reviewers:This chaper is for you...

>>>>>

As Sakura watched the scene unfold, she didn't notice that sand was now rushing at her. Kiba and Hinata both dodged it in time, but it seamed that Sakura's mind was elsewhere when the sand grabbed her ankles. This rush of movement made her fall on her backside with a thud. Crossing her arms with a pout she said, "You suck Gaara, that's cheating!" She was now being dragged down the street by Gaara's sand. To shocked to form words, let alone sentences, Kiba and Hinata watched as the pink haired konichi was dragged down the street.

"Gaara, congratulations, you just won the 'I suck' award!" She screamed sarcastically.

"Hn." Was all he said.

"What does that mean anyway?"

>>>>>

Naruto was about to land a really hard kick to Sasuke's stomach when all of a sudden he stopped.

"Where is Gaara?" He asked looking around.

Both scanned the grassy field in which they now occupied. All Naruto could see where a bunch of trees, but seeing as Sasuke had better eyesight, he could see a young girl with pink hair being dragged by something. A panda? Oh no, it was just Gaara.

"There!" Sasuke pointed out toward the clearing.

"Why the hell are you dragging Sakura-chan around like a rag doll?" Naruto huffed. He watched as Gaara walked up to them with a huge smirk on his face.

"I was just collecting my prize!" He gloated, winking at Sakura.

"Your prize my ass!" Sakura ground out. 'I'm going to enjoy kicking his ass once I got out of this situation. I swear, someone is out to get me!'

Gaara was walking off again, completely ignoring the two boys now fallowing him. He was going to take his prize home with him, tie her up, and make her play dolls with Kankuro. Or at least something like that. He hadn't really thought it through yet.

"Where are you going?" Sasuke asked suspiciously.

"Home." Was all he said.

"Oh, can we come?" Naruto asked.

"Sure."

"Were not going back to your home in the sand village are we?" Sakura asked but inside she was screming, 'Oh, we better not!'

"No, 'we' are going to our rental house here in Konoha."

"Well, im not."

"Yes, you are!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

No!"

"Yes!"

"I can do this all day you know!" Sakura smiled up at him.

"Well, you know what, I can to!"

"Oh, you did it again! Have a cookie! There in my pouch." Sakura attempted to get the cookies.

"What is with you and cookies?" Gaara growled.

"I'm obsessive compolsive." -incurt big grin here-

Naruto asked Sakura, "Can I have a cookie?"

"No!"

Naruto looked at her with big anime tears. "Please?"

"No!"

"Please?"

"No!"

**Many minuets later.**

"I'll kill you!" Sakura yelled, getting fed up with Narutos pleas. 'Man, I've been hanging around Gaara to much!'

"Shut up!" Sasuke yelled, knowing full well Sakura would live up to her threat.

"Where here!" Gaara smirked, knowing they were all in for the ride of there lives.

A/N: Thanks for reading, I might not be on the computer for a couple of days, so it might take a little bit longer to post the next chapter. Sorry for this. Oh, and please review.


	5. Just Open The Door!

Gaara The Human Eating Panda

Chaper 5:Just Open The Door

By:Kayla

A/N:Sorry it took so long, I've ben busy. I really hope you guys like this capter, I don't know where I get my wacky ideas.

Team 7 walked in with Gaara in front of them, well Sakura was being dragged by Gaara. She really didn't want to be there. They passed through the small living room, going into the hallway. As they past a room on the left of them, they could hear odd noises, like chairs being thrown across the room, and other unidentified objects flying around everywhere, hitting the walls. Suddenly they all heard a scream that was scarier then Sakura's when Naruto always did something stupid.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! YOU CLOWN!"

Everyone out in the hall stared at Gaara. Who didn't even notice the commotion that was going on in the other room. He kept walking, dragging Sakura behind him. Sakura looked around, locking eyes with Sasuke, she thought, 'They are probably doing something dirty in there. Wait dirty thoughts, dirty dirty thoughts!'. Her inner self was now banging its head against the imaginary wall that was in her head. Stopping her inner rant, Sakura said, "Sasuke, I dare you to open the door!"

After hearing the dare, Sasuke gulped. Gaara wasn't paying much attention at the moment, but after hearing I dare you, he wanted to find out what was going on, so he snuck up behind Sakura and asked, "Whats happening?"

"Oh, I dared Sasuke to open that door to see what is going on inside." In the background you can hear Naruo chanting 'Do it, do it!'. Looking behind her she saw Gaara, and this made her jump out of her skin. No, more like 5ft in the other direction. Gaara's sand caught her before she had the chance to hit her head on the wooden floor. Never mind, lets get back to Sasuke.

Sasuke crept up to the door, unsure of what he was getting himself into. Slowly going for the knob, sweat started rolling down his face. he gulped a couple more times, grabbing the knob with both hands.

"JUST OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!" Nauro screamed, getting tired of waiting.

In shock, Saskue jumped 10ft in the air, or thats at least what it looked like. Most likely beating Sakura's record. Just to make sure, Gaara got out his magical remote, and pulsed the scene in front of him. Laughing evily, he grabbed a ruler, measuring Sasuke's jump. "Yup, he sure beat Sakura." All of a sudden the front door opened, and in walked a silver haired, masked Kakashi. "Wait, how did you bi-pass my magical remote?"

"Because I have one too!" Kakashi said holing up a magical pink remote.

"No fair, you have a PINK one! I'll trade ya!" Gaara said holding up his remote.

"No, only smexay guys like me can have a remote like this!" Said Kakashi, throwing Gaara a 'Gai Sensei Smile'.

"Oh, whatever!"

"So, who won?"

In a low voice, Gaara said, "Sasuke."

Holding out his right hand Kakashi smirked, "Pay up!"

Going through his pocket, he got out the 50 bucks he owed Kakashi for losing the bet, and placed it in his outstretched hand. 'Darn you Sakura!'

"Thanks!" All of a sudden Kakshi dipapeared. It was like he wasn't even there.

Once Kakashi left, Gaara started laughing evily. "Just because im evil..." Trailing off he walked over to Naruto and polled down his pants. As he walked back to the spot in which he was before he froze time, he started talking to the audience. "Hey, no ones perfect!" As he said this he unfroze time with his magical remote.

Sasuke fell on his ass with a thud. "Hey Gaara, why didn't you save me with your sand?"

"Because, I don't like you." He said with a big smile.

"Eww, Naruto blue boxers, with...pink bunnys?" Sakura said.

Looking down, Nauro hurriedly grabbed his pants and polled them up. He looked up with a huge blush on his face. "Err, I don't know how that happened.."

"Have you ever felt like you had just been frozen in midair like you were fighting in one of those kung-fu movies." Saskue said, now rubbing the back of his head.

"No." They all said in unison.

"Neither have I."

"Just open the damn door!" Naruto yelled for the last time.

"Fine, if you want to see whats going on inside so bad, why don't you open the door!"

"Because, I wasn't dared!"

Mean While with Temari and Kankuro

"More tea?"

"Once I get outta' here, I'm gonna' kill you, and drown your Ken doll in the toilet."

"Thats some big talk for someone tied to a chair!"

"Damn you, damn you to hell. I don't care if you are my brother, im going to throw you out the window. Wait,...is that Gaara's teddy bear?"

"Maybe!"

"Hes going to kill you."

"The only way that lazy bumb is going to find out is if he all of a sudden walks into the room." He said, smiling evily.

"If I don't servive.." Sasuke grabbed Naruto, putting his face up to his ear, "Naruto, I always thought you were ugly." As he said this, he pointed to Gaara, "And you, you will always look like a PANDA!" And then, he flipped him off...

"Is that Sasuke's inner-self, he scares me." Sakura shivered...

Sasuke flung the door open. All three guys peared into the room, "THE HORROR...wait, is that tea?"

"I want to see. Nauto move your ass." Sakura screamed trying to see what was in front of them.

Gaara came up to Sakura and picked her up, giving her a peak of what was in the room.

There sat Kankuro, with a cup of tea in his hand, sporting a very feminin pose. And across the table sat a very pissed off Temari tied to a chair.

"Does every guy in your family have a thing for tieing innocent young girls up?"

"Yes!" Both guys said with a nod.

A/N:I thought of a really funny thing I can do at the end of my story. How about some out takes? Review if you like the idea. :)


	6. Damage Control

**Gaara The Human Eating Panda**

**By:**Kayla

**Disclaimer:**Don't own Naruto, but I do own this storie! So back the hell off! Lolz Ok, im done.

**A/N:**Sorry this chaper took so long. School just started back up. We just got a new school. We needed it, but it was very confusing the first couple of days.

OoOoOoOoOo

Five teenagers sat in a very cramped bedroom, which belonged to Kankuro. The two girls sat tied to chairs, glaring daggers at the three guys now watching them as they sipped their tea. But, one guy was missing. A very loud mouthed guy. If you don't know who he is, you deserve to be beaten, tied to a tree, and left for dead. Now, lets go find our missing friend.

We find our friend, (Which is Naruto, for those of you who are now tied to a tree! Same on you!) rummaging through Gaara's kitchen.

Naruto was looking in Gaara's refrigerator, throwing over his shoulder unwanted food items. As he was throwing items across the room, upstairs Sakura had just realized they had left Naruto alone. He had snook out when they weren't looking. They really did need Naruto insurance.

OoOoOoOoOo

From upstairs all of the occunpance of the small Barbie style room could hear glass breaking, things being thrown, and some odd whizzing noises. At this, Sakura looked around for the one person that she knew would have destroy anything in a short period of time given the chance.

"Naruto? Where is Naruto?" Sakura looked around again for another check around the room.

"I thought you had him." Sasuke said calmly, looking at the struggling girl.

"Hello, tied to a chair at the moment." Sakura glared at him as she tried to wiggle free from the sand holding her still.

Sasuke seemed to now realise that she was tied to the chair, not just sitting in it."Oh yeah." (Duh, Sasuke!)

Sasuke looked over at Gaara and Kankuro. They had to do something, if they didn't Naruto was sure to destroy their apartment. "Who's going to go get Naruto. He will listen to Sakura, but only because he know's she will beat the living shit out of him. And she can't, she is tied up, so who is going after him?"

"Lets draw straws!" Kankuro said with a quick smile to Gaara.

"Ok." Gaara didn't fanci a game of luck, but he had to do it. Just think of his poor apartment.

Each guy grabbed a straw at once. Sasuke had the longest, yay for him. He really didn't want to deal with Naruto at the moment. He gave Sasuke a headache. Next was Kankuro's turn, his was a medium length straw. He didn't really care, he got along with Naruto. He could have handled him, if he wanted to that is. Last was Gaara, with the shortest straw. Damn his bad luck! He hated Naruto for always being around Sakura. Sakura was Gaara's no one else. And where the hell did that thought come from? DENIAL! Gaara now has a mental hissy-fit to graphic for this story.

"Uchiha I'll trade you straws!" He said now coming out of his mental hissy.

"Hell no!" Sasuke said now yelling. There was no way he was going to do any such thing.

"Yes, or I'll kill you." Gaara warned.

"I'd rather die then go find Naruto." Sasuke said sarcastically.

"Hn." Gaara wasn't in the mode for killing the Uchiha at the moment. He would get blood all over the pink carpet. Blood stains were a bitch to clean up.

Gaara walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him in frushtrashon. Four pairs of eyes watched him with intrest as he left.

"More tea?" Kankuro asked Sasuke after many moments of silence.

"Sure!" Sasuke said, going for his cup.

OoOoOoOoOo

Gaara hurried down the stairs, when he did so the door bell rang. _'Who in there right mind would come to my house? The home of Sabaku no Gaara?_' Gaara thought confused, but still wondering who it could be. He looked through the peek-hole and spotted green spandex.'_ Spandex? Who the hell wears green spandex?_' Gaara then opened the door and was greeted with the bushiest eyebrows he had ever seen. Twitch twitch. 'So thats where my eyebrows went.' He thought sarcastically.

"Hello youthful person! I am going door to door to encourage people to get Naruto insurance."

More smashes and loud noises could be heard from inside the small apartment.

"Where do I sign?" Gaara said now grabbing a pen out of his pocket.

The man with the green spandex then preceded to open a briefcase filled with papers. If you put anything else in, the briefcase would surly bust. He picked up a huge contract, handing it to Gaara. He then pointed to all the places in which Gaara needed to sign.

"Your name here...Middle initial here...Nickname here..."

As Gaara put down his nickname, he looked down at it. Panda-Chan. Oy, he had been hanging around Sakura and her crue to long, it was starting to get to him.

"Name here...And here...And here...And here..."

This was really starting to get annoying. He didn't have time for this. The longer he waisted time, the worse his home would look in the end. Gaara threw the contract down as he heard something that sound very big fall with a loud boom. He slammed the front door in the green spandex guys face and went running to where he thought the sound had come from.

OoOoOoOoOo

"Juice...Milk...Butter? I can't believe its not better...tomato...Ham? Who eats ham?..." In between each name of said food item, Naruto threw them over his shoulder, not cairing where they landed.

Gaara then rushes into the kitchen, just in time to be hit in the face with said ham. "Anistly, who throws a ham?"

Hearing the familiar voice, Naruto turned around, sub in hand.

"Hey, thats mine!" Gaara said grabbing it from him.

"I love you!" Naruto gave Gaara a huge bear hug.

"Why are you hugging me?" Anger filling his voice.

"You have an obsession with RAMEN!" Naruto screamed. Where does he get his energy?

"I do not! I hate ramen!" Gaara visibly twitched when he said this.

Naruto then let go of him, walked over to one of the cabinet and opened it. In lay millions of microwave-ramen. "Then why is your name written all over them?" Naruto then asked lifting an eyebrow.

"If you tell anyone I'll rip your spine out from your ass!" Gaara was totally serious.

Naruto then gulped. He went to grab some of the ramen, but got his hand smacked for trying. Gaara then grabbed them, holding them in a possessive embrace. "MINE!" Gaara stroked it with the back of his hand. "My precious."

"Can I have some?"

"No!"

Gaara grabbed a lock out of no where and locked the cabinet. But as he did, Naruto jumped on him attemping to get the key to his soon to be sanctuary. Before he could snatch it out of Gaara's hand, he stuck in the hole at the top of his gourd. "Ha! Can't get it n..." He didn't get to finish his sentence, he was to shocked. Naruto had just rammed his huge hand into that tiny hole. 'Man this guy is determaned.'

"What the hell are you doing?" Gaara asked, trying to look behind him.

"Trying to get the key, dumb ass." Naruto tryed feeling around for the key, once he found it, he tryed to get his hand out. "Oh no..."

"Don't tell me your stuck!" Gaara growled.

OoOoOoOoOo

A/N:I hope you all liked this chapter! Thanks for wonderful reviews! Like I said, I just started back to school. So it might take a little longer for me to write the next chapter.

Will Naruto get his hand free?

Will Gaara finally stop living in denial land over Sakura?

What about Temari and Kankuro, will Temari ever get her revenge?

We shall find out in the next chapter of, "Gaara the Human Eating Panda!"

Please leave a review!


	7. Boxers Or Briefs?

**Gaara The Human Eating Panda**

**Chapter:**7

**By:**Kayla

**AN:** Just to let you all know, im changing the raiting of my story to RR (Random Retardedness). Please enjoy.

**oOoOoOo**

"Where is the 'I Can't Believe its not Butter'?" Naruto asked, despritly trying to get his poor hand, and the key free.

"What the hell are you going to do with that?" Gaara growled, annoyed with the sceen before him. Why did this, of all things, have to happen to him? WHY? All he wanted to do was spend some time with his kunoichi. Yeah sure, tieing her to a chair wasn't the best choice for 'hanging out'. But, he was a guy, what did he know about shairing his feelings?

"Well," Naruto started, climing on Gaara's gourd to get more comfortable. "I was planning on greasing up your gourd and slipping my hand through. Wasn't that obvious?" God, all Naruto wanted was some rammen. It wasn't like it was the last carten of ramen! (If it was it would be like Choji and the last potato chip.)

"You will do no such thing! Lets just make it easier, on the both of us, (mainly me) and cut off your hand!" Gaara offered sugestivly.

"NO!"

**oOoOoOo**

Back in the room, Kankuro was no where to be found. Temari and Sakura sat in their chairs, silently watching Sasuke. Mostly because they had nothing better to do.

Sakura looked around the room, searching for anything that could cut through the sand holding her in place. Why wouldn't Sasuke help her? Oh yeah, he was having to much fun annoying the shit out of her. Where was her all mighty spork when she needed it? Sasuke had been pointing his finger at her, wispering 'I'm not touching you' for what seemed to be forever, it was driving her up a flippin' wall!

Sasuke seemed to be brave enough to stick his finger near Sakura's mouth. But soon neglected the idea when Sakura almost bit his finger off. It took ages to finally get her mouth pride open. His poor finger was now pink and puffy. He might just have to get a rabies shot. No, seriously she was like a rabid dog. A scary rabid dog!

"Chill Sakura, I was just kidding."

"Sasuke, its not in you to kid!" Sakura then got a huge burst of energy, and broke through the sand that was holding her. She then jumped on Sasuke, punching him in the head. Throwing him out the window. He landed on a tree branch, on one of the trees outside the window. Sakura nor Temari saw the squirrels now surrounding Sasuke. The Squirrels dragged the unconscious Sasuke back to where ever the hell they came from. Making him join their all mighty squirrely army!

Sakura untied Temari. She stretched and rubbed her wrists. "Thanks."

"Your welcome."

We have to stick together. We are in a house stuck with perverted guys who like to tie us up!" Temari warned.

"We have to run. But first..." Sakura had an evil smile plastered on her face. "I want to see Gaara's room!"

"No. He will kill you!" Fear was written all over her face.

"Your a chicken. I can handle him!" Sakura puffed out her chest, trying to look big and bad.

"Whatever."

The two girls when their separate way, one looking for Kankuro, the other looking for Gaara's room.

**oOoOoOo**

Sakura tiptoed down the hallway. Using her secret ninja skills, so as not to be noticed. She stayed near the wall, hands at her sides. Looking like a secret agent. As the thought accured to her, a song started playing in the background.

Secret agent man, secret agent man

They've given you a number and take away your name.

(Oh man, we should change the words up a bit shouldn't we?)

Secret ninja girl, secret ninja girl

They've given you a number and taken away your name.

'What the hell? Where did the music come from.' Oh well, she would just have to live with it. Now if she could just find Gaara's room. Hmm, she opened a door on the left, nope. It was just a bathroom. She snook down the hall, opened a door on the right. Darkness met her eyes. Why did this room scream Gaara? Sakura moved her hand around to search for a light switch. As the lights came on, she was greeted with a room decorated in all black. Yup, Gaara's room. So why did she come here exactly? Oh yeah, blackmail!

Sakura looked around, didn't see anything at all that could be used for blackmail. Poo. But she did see something. What was it? Oh, the hat. The one that she ha given him earlier that day. It was laying on his bed. She picked it up, and placed it on her head.

Everything in the room was black, but one thing was standing out, in bright pink colors. A pair of pink boxers with red hearts on them. They had been hanging over the desk lamp that was on his dresser next to the bed. 'I guess that answers my boxers or briefs question.' She laughed, laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes. But stopped when she hear someone walking down the hall. "Oh shit!"

She spun around in a circle looking for somewhere to hide. But where? In the closet? Behind the drapes? No that was stupid. Plus, she had no idea what could be in that closet. What if there was a dead body in there? No way in hell was she going in there. Under the bed. Good idea. She dashed under his bed, just in time.

Gaara walked into his room, with Naruto on his back...

**oOoOoOo**

**AN:**Ah yeah, cliff hanger...please review.


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